–If you have read my about section then you know the basics. I am a single mother to a 2-year-old little girl who is filled with nothing but love. Blogging for me is an escape; a way to get everything out. I have always been a better writer than speaker unless its something that I am passionate about. Talking about Jersey is a passion. My little girl saved my life. She brought me out of my darkness and showed me that my life had value and still does to this day. Whether it be the pain we have had to endure dealing with my failed relationship with her father or me losing my job suddenly we did it together and we did it and are dealing with it as a family. She is my family, she is all I have.
Becoming a single mother was the farthest thing from my mind and my priority list. I didn’t think that it would ever happen to me. Yes our meeting wasn’t ideal and we didn’t go about things the “right” way by marriage first then comes baby but we dealt with it. I never knew my own strength until I had Jersey. I never knew I could be so selfless when it came to her. Leaving her father is what I had to do not only for his sake but for my own. Jersey deserved a happy mother and father and we simply weren’t. The fighting got to be more than either one of us ever imagined or wanted and it was time to walk away. I remember the first night back in my parents house in my old childhood room away from the home that I had shared with Jersey’s father and her for the last year and I lost it. I had become a statistic. I had become one of those girls who had a baby out-of-wedlock who prayed I would be better than the rest and marry my daughters father and have a happy family. I was a damn statistic.
That word right there hurt more than anything I think. I had failed. I had failed myself, Jersey’s dad, but most importantly Jersey. She didn’t have her home that she had known for the last year anymore. She didn’t have her dad. She didn’t have a happy mother. But wait wasn’t that why I left? To be happy? I failed. I did nothing but secretly cry for days when I wasn’t around my parents. I still cry and it has been a little over 4 months. I cry myself to sleep almost nightly at the simple thought I failed my child. That pit and sick feeling you get in your stomach when you’re upset, I have that constantly. It never goes away. But I wake up every single day which is a blessing in itself, kiss my daughter and take care of her. Right now that’s the best I can offer, the best I can do. She deserves the world and I intend to do just that.
Jersey is the light amongst my darkness that seems to never go away but everyday I wake up and see her she makes it fade. I don’t know what the future holds but I know im excited to experience it with her and watch her grow and learn but most importantly love. and she loves hard ❤
–until next time. best wishes from the J’s.